Pills for Everyone!

Forgot to mention that I have gotten the kids on ADD medication. Don't judge me, they both really need this medication. The first offspring is actually doing well in school, for him. He's failing all of his classes, but at least he's managing to stay in them and not get kicked out for outrageously disruptive behavior. I hate homework. It's God's punishment for not being born knowing everything, but thinking you do when you are young.

What else. Oh, yes! I haven't had any sex for the last six weeks. I think I should be annoyed about this, but actually I'm not sure I want to have sex with the boyfriend right now. I'm still really freakin' pissed at him, and my medication has dialed down my usually racing libido. It's an interesting phenomenon, really because I remember how I used to feel. I just don't feel that way anymore.

Two Visits to the Doctor

So on Tuesday I went to the new shrink. She is really sincere and enthusiastic, and she thinks I'm really honest and forthright and was just tickled at the idea of working with me. And I just hate her. I can't get into that bubbly, oozing personality at all. I want to tell her to back up because she's just gushing all over me and I feel like I need to take a shower inside my brain. It has the emotional equivalent of being licked in the face by a big sloppy, slobbery dog tongue. I don't know quite what to do, because I'm not sure I can work with her. If that's really her personality type, ick. It's like being massaged with a cheese grater. Really. But I feel like I should try at least a couple more sessions, because if I don't I didn't give her a fair chance to get beyond first impressions. If she's always like that though, I just cannot work with her. She's too, too, TOO annoying.

There is just no nice way to tell some one that you hate their personality is there?

The thing is, I really like the medication doctor. She's calm, centered, and makes me feel secure. She's young, but she just has this air of authority that I find...comforting. Like she did her homework and she knows exactly what the hell she's talking about. Why can't I just have her as the shrink? It's sad really, that the really good people are so rare.

Also I hate the kids' doctor. That was yesterday's visit. He's so freaking slow! I don't mean stupid...um...I don't think I mean stupid. The guy got through medical school after all. (Although I don't know that this should be a criteria by which to judge intelligence, actually.) I mean deliberate slowness. Like he can't work at a speed above gentle cruise. I don't think I really need to go to the first offspring's doctor's appointments any more once I get him on the medication. If I ever actually GET him on the medication. This is another aspect of the doctor's deliberateness, and probably the thing I'm so annoyed about. Before he writes a prescription, he has to THINK about what the best approach would be. I wanted to scream "listen buddy, just WRITE THE DAMN PRESCRIPTION!"

Of course that would have gotten me nowhere. He was also more than happy to engage the offspring in one of those intermintable random debates that make me want to carry around duct tape and a tranquilzer gun. I thought it was really rude, too, since we'd been waiting to see him for two hours (he got called away for an emergency, and then another emergency and in the meantime all the staff just went home and left us there in the office completely alone), and then instead of taking care of business and then getting us the hell out of there, he was oh so willing to engage in this stupid verbal debate. Like, oh yes I have nothing to do in life but listen to the doctor and the offspring discuss whether or not the offspring will be successful in life if he never, ever can comply with any authority figure, ever. HE WON'T! There, debate over.

While we were waiting for the doctor, which took forever, the offspring stole someone's snack food. What does it say about me as a parent that I found this amusing rather than shocking? Am I just morally bankrupt? Should this bother me? I think I will talk to the shrink about it next session. She will probably find my honest exploration of my potential moral bankruptcy refreshing.

Both of these visits, by the way, took over two hours. I don't know why people complain that they don't see the doctor enough. Maybe they just aren't interesting enough to hold the doctor's attention? And aren't I the elitist bitch? Actually, yes, I am.

Battles on the Homefront

So the first offspring is getting in trouble in school, but what else is new? I wish I could say that the way the boyfriend is dealing with this issue is different, but that's old news too. They just don't like each other, and I'm stuck right in the middle. The boyfriend thinks I need to get tougher with the offspring (as if that were going to do anything) and that he doesn't respect me, and the offspring thinks that the boyfriend is full of shit and doesn't respect me. And honestly, I can see both of their points. When did I become this wimp that everyone could walk over? I wasn't like this before I had kids. I was ferocious. I remember being ferocious. Now I'm just tired.

I don't understand why they can't find some common ground. It tears me in two, really. As sad and pathetic as it is, I do love the boyfriend. And I love the first offspring too, although it seems to be his mission in life to make that as close to impossible as he is able to. And damn if he's not close. But as difficult as he is, I can't stand for the boyfriend to insult him when we're talking about him. It's as if he doesn't think about the fact that the person we're discussing is my child. He says he gets angry because the offspring is hurting me and he doesn't like to see me get hurt, but somehow he can't see that when we have these arguments the things that HE says are hurting me too. I'm guess I'm just the punching bag in the middle of the gym that everyone gets to take a swing at whenever they're feeling a little frustrated.

It's a good thing that my anti-crazy drugs are so stellar. If they weren't I might be dressed up like a chicken right now, walking trying to hold up the sky. At least this way, I'm not dressed like a chicken.